23 Things We'd Love to See Make a Comeback

1. Streaking.

2. Impressionists. Not the French painters. Rather, all those guys who used to do imitations of George Burns, Kirk Douglas, and Jimmy Stewart. Where have you gone, Rich Little? Frank Gorshin?

3. The Dow. This time we'll sell at 11,500. Swear to God.

4. Mood rings. Goodbye, guesswork: "Hmm, amber . . . This chick is digging my vibe."

5. Bill Clinton. Can nobody feel our pain?

6. Bralessness. The current retro hippie-chick style (bell-bottoms, peasant blouses) doesn't include the '60s move most worth reprising. Sisters, defy the patriarchy that has bound you for so long! Freedom's just another word for setting those babies free.

7. Memorization. No 11-year-old child who knows the capital of every state has ever grown up to become society's problem.

8. Manners. According to a man we admire, "There is nothing tougher than a gentleman."

9. Pigs-in-a-blanket.

10. Burning leaves in the backyard. We'll trade a few molecules of the ozone layer for a smell so sweet that it makes suburban 9-year-olds feel safe at home.

11. D.B. Cooper. Come on, man, you're a congressman, aren't you?

12. Championship fights on network TV.

13. Stallone. Sly deserves a second season in the sun because he wrote three words of dialogue that say more about men than all the other words ever written. Slumped in his corner, his eyes swollen shut by Apollo's blows, Rocky summarizes the centuries-old struggle between stupid and brave: "Cut me, Mick." Top that, Shakespeare!

14. Full-size spare tires. Come on, Mr. Volvo! Doesn't $32,500 buy us more than a doughnut thingy?

15. Enthusiasm. Everybody's cool these days. We miss the sweet spectacle of a man who's juiced, fired up by whatever—his work, his family, his new woman, or his new wheels.

16. Jeff Gillooly. Remember figure skater Tonya Harding's hubby? The kneecapping of wifey's rival, Nancy Kerrigan? Of course, he's a lowlife, but in an age of overthinking everything, here's to his simple can-do spirit. See problem, fix problem.

17. Posses. Not the rap-star kind, the saddle-up, he-went-thataway kind.

18. Stealing home. In 1968, Rod Carew stole home seven times. Last year, in all of major-league baseball there was only one attempt to steal home. Bring back the ultimate smart-ass move.

19. Wife swapping. What's the big deal? One night! Everybody wins!

20. The public-works project. The Hoover Dam. The interstate highway system. The race to the moon. Since the '60s, we've had no massive construction project to inspire us as a nation. We need one. We're a nation of builders. Best idea: a super-duper, high-speed rail system that makes Denver a suburb of Detroit.

21. "Because I said so." Enough explaining why to kids. ("Because 5-year-olds can't reach the brake, Timmy.") The autocratic authority of "Because I said so" is both less tiring for Dad and better for children. When you're 5, it's reassuring to know that you're not in charge.

22. Integrity. "Honor is the gift a man gives himself." —Rob Roy

23. Halter tops. See "Bralessness" (No. 6).